I have been doing a lot of work at my kitchen table lately. As I stand here writing, I’m thinking of all the positive side effects from the Coronavirus lockdown. People are noting that the earth seems to be rejuvenating itself; smog is clearing from the cities and wildlife is reemerging from their limited environments. There is also the fact that many people are performing kind deeds for others. Neighbors are checking in on each other and one-time strangers are reaching out to lend a hand. All of these things make me happy even though I am quarantined inside my home.

On the flip side, there is a craziness to all this. I’m still unsure why people were hoarding toilet paper when this first started. And now, I’m questioning the reason why meat sections of the stores are empty. The good news to this is that we have plenty of time on our hands to figure these conundrums out. 

I’ve recently come across an additional side effect from this pandemic; an unintended consequence. And the worst part about it is that I did all the right things and it STILL happened. I stayed home and yet.

And yet….

I can assure you that there are many more citizens of this great nation who have experienced the same problem. And if it hasn’t happened yet, it’s coming. Most won’t talk about it since it is such a private issue. But I don’t have a filter when it comes to my life on the written page so I will be the first to talk about it. 

I have hemorrhoids. 

I’m not talking about the hemorrhoid that comes with straining to go to the bathroom; the problem where you don’t drink enough to keep yourself hydrated. No. I’m speaking of what happens when you sit or stand too long. If there was one thing I was worried about when we first heard of COVID-19, it wasn’t this. 

When the call to stock up on medicine came, I dutifully checked my medicine cabinet to see if I had what I needed in case I had the flu-like symptoms. Inside was cough medicine and as well as flu medicine. So, I went to the store to buy acetaminophen and cough drops. I even picked up a package of tissues. I figured I was ready.

Witch hazel pads, hemorrhoid cream and zinc oxide were not on my radar. The good news is that there hasn’t been a run on these items so they were in stock. I didn’t have to wait for relief. 

But the pain is still there and I’m mad at my body for betraying me. 

I thought I had a good thing going. I’m an empty nester so I don’t have to homeschool my kids or take care of a baby. I “work” from home naturally but it is sporadic based on my own writing schedule. So, I came up with my own quarantine routine. 

I get up at the same time that I did before all of this. I have my breakfast and then take the dog on her walk. We do 3 ½ miles so it allows me to be outside for an hour or so. When I get home, I shower and then start in on household chores. I made sure that at least one item on my list got checked off every day-bathrooms, laundry, vacuuming, etc. That would usually take me to lunchtime. I would prepare my meal and then hunker down on the couch to read while my puppy snuggled with me. I call that a win-win situation. My dog gets her comfort and I get to do something I love. 

Later on in the afternoon, I would work on a jigsaw puzzle. I prefer the 1,000-piece puzzles since they offer a challenge. The most recent challenge is finding a puzzle online that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg, but that’s another discussion for another day. 

Back to my routine. I figured that I was being as productive as I could under the circumstances. But then I got a surprise. As I was sitting down on the couch watching TV with my husband who had come home from work, I felt uncomfortable. It’s been a long time since I’ve experienced hemorrhoids so it took me a moment to realize what was happening. 

As I stated earlier, I had stocked my medicine chest with what I might need for my flu-like symptoms, should the virus come to our house. But I had nothing that would help with the medical condition I was facing.

I went to bed that night extremely uncomfortable. I didn’t sleep much and even though I wanted to, I found myself standing up at my kitchen table playing solitaire online to pass the time. Eventually, I tried to sleep and got a few hours of interrupted dreams. 

The next morning, I had to wait until the appointed hour to head to the store. I’m not in the elderly population so no early bird shopping for me. I looked as bad as I felt but I managed to put on clothes other than sweatpants.  And even though I talk a mean game on paper, in person, it’s not the same. I was grateful for self-checkout. I didn’t want anyone seeing what I was buying. 

My daily routine now consists of the same items as before it’s just that I don’t do everything in the morning and leave my loafing around to the entire afternoon. I am more cognizant of the requirement to get up and move. My dog doesn’t seem to be as happy but then again, everyone is making sacrifices at this time. 

On a positive note, now that I have hemorrhoid cream on hand, I can still use it when my hemorrhoids go away. If you read articles about beauty contestants as well as beauty gurus, you find that the cream is useful for those bags under your eyes. And there’s a tip I can use later on. 

I wish I had some that first night this happened….