humor

Marrying Into The Military Is Like Joining a Gym

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Originally published on August 2, 2016 in NextGenMilSpouse

As a spouse who has been in the military for a while, outsiders often ask you about this secret world. Since I try to find the humor in life, the best way to describe parts of this lifestyle is by telling people,

Marrying into the military is like joining a gym.

Don’t believe me? Here are 9 comparisons between a gym membership and military life.

Marrying into the Military Is Like Joining a Gym

1. Our gym is selective; not everyone is invited to join.And while there is no initiation fee, there is a test. If you pass that test, you and your family are members. You are welcomed to a place where you can be a better you.

2. Some people are given incentives to join.This can be monetary or job driven. It is a personal decision that often starts with a sales pitch. This is usually done outside the confines of the gym building and can come from a current or former gym member or someone unaffiliated with said gym. You may also be given incentives to stay.

Decisions should be weighed carefully for the welfare of you and your family. Sometimes staying with the gym is not what is best.

3. Once you have passed the test, you sign on the dotted line and enter into a contract with the gym.You stay until your contract expires or you can opt to renew. This is an ongoing process. You can transfer gyms when you have to go to another location. You don’t want the gym to cancel your contract. More than likely, you won’t be allowed in any other gym in the U.S.

If you don’t renew your contract, you still may have access to the gym if you have achieved lifetime member status. In the military, this is called “retired.” This designator allows you to keep your membership indefinitely so you can use the facilities at the gym.

4. There is an orientation that you must go to when you arrive at your new gym.This is usually a painless process. It provides you with information on all the resources at your new gym. You should try to attend with your spouse.

If you can’t, make sure you receive the information provided. This can be accomplished through your spouse or you can give your email address to a “gym leader” (key spouse in the Air Force, ombudsman in the Navy, and in the Army, it’s the Family Readiness Group). This person will give you updates on classes and changes that occur at your gym.

Don’t be afraid of this form of communication. It is extremely useful.

5. Every time you come to the gym, you must show your ID.Please refer to the first point.

This step is also necessary because many outsiders wish to see how our gym conducts itself. Don’t be offended and don’t anger the people who scan your ID to verify that you are permitted on the gym grounds. They are keeping your gym and its members safe.

6. Some gyms have all the bells and whistles; they have new and shiny equipment. Some places only have the basicsor it’s old and rundown. Most people want to be at the new gym but there may not be one in your neighborhood.

Remember that you only need the essentials. Everything else is a bonus.

Besides, it’s the people who make a gym a home.

7. Our gym offers programs that help you grow as a person.At your new assignment, you can find classes at the gym, the hospital, the chapel and your family support center. These are broad-reaching and focus not only on your physical well-being, but also your mental and spiritual self. Take advantage of these free classes.

8. Music is a part of daily life at this gym.Most gyms have a wide variety of songs that are played depending on the teacher but here there are 3 songs consistently played along with the national anthem. Every once in a while, the gym’s “theme song” (service song) is heard but only on particular occasions. When the song is played, there is a raucous rendition sung by all who can hear it.

It’s better than any Zumba class song.

Trust me on this.

It is one way to get your heart pumping.

9. As with a gym membership, what you get out of the military depends on what you put into it.If you just pay your dues and never set foot inside the gym, that’s not frowned upon. You can go to every class offered and even volunteer. Maybe you just want to shop at the gym store and eat at the café. That’s great too. When you move to a new gym, you can decide how active you want to be.

So now, when people ask me if I go to the gym, I tell them that I live at the gym and I wouldn’t have it any other way.

1, 2 Buckle My Shoe

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I’m a counter. Not your kitchen counter and not the counter where you order lunch. I’m not even talking about the alternative culture. Not really sure I want to be The Count from Sesame Street but I do count. Pure and simple, I count things. 

I’m not sure when I came to this realization. I’m usually late to the game when it comes to being self-aware. It was probably 10 years ago when I recognized that every morning, I do a step-ball change (a dance step where a person does a quick change of weight from the ball of one foot to the other) after shaving a leg. I know, I’m strange.

That just goes to show you that I am not super knowledgeable about what I do or what goes on around me.

So counting….

Did it start as a child? We learn our counting nursery rhymes. That combines counting and rhythm. I do love music but I don’t count with any musicality; I just count. 

As kids, we choose who goes first by counting “1 Potato, 2 Potato”. We even include counting in our jump-rope songs. Counting seems to pervade all aspects of our childhood.

That has to play a role in my fixation. Do genetics play a part? I recently found out that my mom loves to count things too. And I have a niece who counts. I really should ask my kids if they do this….

And why do I count? That’s another great question. There are multiple reasons. 

For instance, when I’m bored, I count to pass the time.

(How many black tiles are on the floor?)

And I count stairs so I don’t trip when I’m carrying laundry or when it’s dark. 

(There are 8, a landing and then 7 in my house, in case you’re wondering.)

I count to take the measure of how many people are out early in the morning with me. 

(I can usually count 20+ cars entering and exiting my neighborhood. On days with more, I wonder if there is a school activity or is it vacation time? If I feel really adventurous, I may count in Italian.)

For you, the reader, it is just another quirk to add to my many. I think it increases my appeal. maybe you’ll decide to stop reading. Or you may continue to see what else comes out of my mouth! Either way it’s a win-win for me; I can count my readership numbers.