How many times have I failed as a mom? I don’t think I can count that high. This weekend I was reminded that moms fail constantly. I watched “Lady Bird” on Saturday. While I don’t think I’m that bad, it still hit home. Then I saw an episode of “The Goldbergs” and “The Middle”. Both shows had the mother doing something that wasn’t welcomed by her kids. It makes me miss Mother’s Day. That’s the one day where the kids are forced to make me feel good. And for a few moments I’m proud of myself as a parent.
But what really makes me sad about Mother’s Day is the fact that I won’t ever be the “Greatest Mom Ever.” Who can be? It’s an unrealistic expectation that we strive to achieve.
When my kids were first born, I remember thinking that I wanted to be like my mom. She never yelled. Suffice it to say, I didn’t achieve that goal. Oftentimes, I was so stressed out that my oldest would get the brunt of it. The worst part is that she was such an easy child and really didn’t cause problems. One time, she colored me a picture to make me happy. It was a picture of Kanga (from Winnie the Pooh) and she drew flowers in the vase. That small gesture meant the world to me. My oldest hated coloring. Every time I felt like a bad mom, I would look at that page. Today, if you ask her, she doesn’t remember me yelling so much. For that I am grateful.
But that one victory overshadows the numerous times I’ve said or did something wrong. And those failures are permanently imprinted on their minds. I’ve made comments about body shapes and other hot button topics. It’s not that I intentionally did it, it’s just that life comes too quickly. Parenting is all about split second decisions. There is no script to follow and no pausing time. You say things and do things that you might regret later. Unfortunately, there many times where you don’t even realize something you said can have a negative effect. And that effect can last well into their adult lives.
For example, when my youngest daughter was a tween, she once heard me telling a story. I called myself a “large cheerleader.” I then gave my weight from that time. Unbeknownst to me, when she was a teenager, she remembered that story. She was around the weight that I had mentioned and so she felt fat. I never once thought that my daughter was overweight but that one remark stayed with her.
She came over on Sunday. When I saw her, I instantly go back to that moment. And then I think, “I’ve scarred her for life.” So here I am, feeling like a failure as a parent. We so want to do right by our kids. We want to correct the mistakes of our parents but we inevitably make our own.
How do I get back to feeling like the “greatest mom ever?”
I constantly remind myself that I don’t live inside a sitcom. I used to love watching “The Cosby Show.” There were some great pieces of wisdom in there but look at what happened in real life. TV is not reality. Reality is messy. There are good times and there are bad times. We are all doing the best that we can. If the good outweighs the bad, that’s a victory. And there are more victories than failures. Remember that.
My kids are happy, healthy, and on their own now. I get a phone call at least once a week and when we hang up, I realize that even though I’m not perfect, I am pretty gosh darn good. I still believe that I could’ve done better but then I think, “If life was perfect for my kids, what would they complain about? They need their own tales of woe to commiserate with others.”
So, here’s to all the “greatest”, “best”, and “cool” moms ever.
We rule!
