confessional

My Service Member Will Tell You I’m the Reason He Stayed in the Air Force

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Originally published by NextGenMilSpouse on October 24, 2017

I told him no.

But to hear my husband retell the story he will say that I didn’t say “no” with a period. He’d reply that I said “no” with a capital N, a capital O and an exclamation point at the end.

He’s partially correct. I did succinctly answer that I didn’t want him to get out of the Air Forceafter our first assignment. But I only did that the first time he asked.

My Service Member Will Tell You I’m The Reason He Stayed In The Air Force

Each consecutive assignment found him asking once again:

“Should I stay or should I go?”

I had variations on my answer:

“Nope.”

“Not yet.”

“I’m still having fun.”

Because of my comments, my spouse will tell you that I’m the reason he stayed in the service for so long. But don’t let him fool you; he has been just as happy as I have.

Besides, I haven’t always told him no when it came to his career choices.

I blindly followed him when he saw an opportunity to move from Command Post to be a 13 Bravo. And let’s face it, I would have been justified if I said no. The move from command post to becoming a Command and Control officer was quick.

I was visiting my family in Connecticut when my spouse called to say he had an “opportunity.” He was able to go to training for the AWACS (Airborne Warning and Control System) right away, but he had to give them an answer NOW.

Hearing the whole story later, I realized that he was the one who initiated the call to change careers and had boldly told the personnel officer that his “wife would be OK with it or she could stay in Nebraska.”

Granted, that was bravado but…

He moved and I followed him a month later.

My Service Member Will Tell You I’m The Reason He Stayed In The Air Force

When he wanted to go to Weapons School, I told him to pursue his dreams. But I gave him a caveat: he had to wait until our daughter was 1½. He’d been deployed and TDY for most of both children’s childhood and I didn’t think I could handle one more separation that wasn’t ordered by the Air Force.

I continued to say “yes” but now with over 20 years in uniform we are at a crossroads. My service member is thinking about retirement.

Should we stay or should we go?

He continually asks me what I want to do but I don’t think I can respond. To me, it is his question to answer.

If we stay, what assignment are we willing to take? The correct answer should be that we will take any assignment. But let’s face it, there are probably some that would make us 7-day opt. Just hearing “7-day opt” instills fear.

We all know that we are supposed to be planning for retirementlong before we get to the 20-year point but you always question if it is enough. Not only that, but the thought of being without a job is scary.

If we stay, can we try to get a job that we want?

More than likely, the answer is no. But a girl can dream, can’t she? I would love to take an assignment overseas again. Who wouldn’t? For me, the next best option would be to remain in the D.C. area.

My spouse isn’t sure what he would like to be. He would like to serve in a capacity where he can utilize what he has learned. But he also needs to figure out what comes after he retires. So you see, the next stages of our lives are intertwined. We’d hope that the next assignment could set us up for retirement.

If he wants to teach, he can apply to do so at the National Defense University here in D.C. Or does he want to work in industry after he retires? Then he can try for a job down at Langley AFB. Maybe he would like to continue to serve his government in a civilian capacity. If that’s the case, he should try to stay here and continue to work at the Pentagon. Too many options for me!

And if he wants to go?

He continually asks me where I’d like to live. He comments that this would help him decide what to do. I’ve given him 3 locations, but my response is that the job will dictate where we reside. He looks at it the other way: decide on a location and then look for a job.

We go around in circles over this. Neither of us is ready to quit on military lifebut who knows what the service has planned for us.

I would love the chance to be involved with my community once again and the Pentagon doesn’t offer that opportunity. My husband loves interacting with the troops. But again, at what capacity and is it even possible?

All I know is that I don’t think I’m ready to leave. Am I ready to stay? I don’t know that either. An answer needs to be given soon.

Come December we have to say if we are all in or not. Ask me again then. Maybe I’ll have an answer for you.

Hawk and Dove: A Modern Love Story

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Originally published by NextGenMilSpouse on October 17, 2017

Hawk And Dove: A Modern Military Love Story

Once upon a time there lived a Hawk and a Dove who lived lives of fulfillment on different parts of the East Coast. The Hawk grew up in a family where his grandfather joined the Army and his father served as a Huey mechanic. Even though the dad didn’t talk much about his service, it was a known fact that he had been at war and had served his country honorably.

The Dove lived in a home where peace was king. Her father was born in Italy during World War II. He ducked into ravines as bullets flew overhead. As an adult, he couldn’t enlist due to medical reasons. Her mother was against violence in any way, shape or form so she grew up with no military influence at all. In fact, the closest she got was a grandfather who was in the Knights of Columbus.

The Hawk joined the Civil Air Patrol (CAP) when he was a teenager because he wanted to increase his chances of being accepted into a military academy. His first choice was, of course, the Air Force Academy since he wanted to fly.

That choice was solidified the summer before Hawk’s senior year.  He attended the Air Force Academy’s Summer Seminar where rising seniors are introduced to life at the academy through academics as well as basic training.

The Dove’s teenage years were full of activities that made her happy. She even called herself a reincarnated hippie child. She liked the idea of it but without the drugs.

The Dove considered a military academy for a brief moment.  When the realization set in that she would have to serve in the military, that idea was quickly discarded.

Instead, cheer camp and work filled her summers; she knew that college wasn’t going to be cheap. She also tried to strengthen her college application by doing volunteer work.

The Hawk went on to attend USAFA. The Dove attended a liberal university.

The Hawk learned about military history and watched as Desert Storm began. The Dove went to peace marches and demonstrated against destroying the earth.

As fate would have it, the two met and eventually started a long-distance relationship.

In general, they avoided conversations about politics and the military but somewhere along the line with all those late-night phone calls, their relationship grew. The distance seemed too great but neither wanted it to end.

Eventually, after many promises, he put a ring on her finger.  The Dove moved to Colorado to be close to her Hawk.

How could these 2 worlds work in close proximity? If they both attended a military academy, we’d say they had a Service Academy Exchange. That’s not exactly what happened but there was some crossing of knowledge.

The Dove went to her Hawk’s school to visit.  There she learned more about him and what his goal was. She met other hawks and attended events at the school and fell in love with the military protocol and functions. She realized that everyone has a story and some have found their passion early on.

The Hawk visited the Dove’s campus and reveled in the freedom given to the students. At her work-study in the psychology department, he met people whose focus was on building relationships and self-esteem, not tearing things down. One study had to do with conflict resolution and teaching children how to do that effectively with words. Words are as powerful as actions.

Little by little each took those lessons to heart.

Love conquers all, as they say in fairy tales.  The Hawk and Dove were married and grew to be better people.

The Hawk became less hawkish and more tolerant. The Dove learned to value military service and its traditions. She even enjoyed a violent video game every once in a while.

When they had small children, there was no spanking thanks to the Dove and she cried at the war movies the Hawk just had to watch.

Hawk And Dove: A Modern Military Love Story

Remember, you can live with differences. The key to it all is communicationand respect.

You don’t need to give up what is intrinsically you or your beliefs but tolerance is a lesson we all can learn.

I have come to respect the military and what they offer even though I will never be gung ho.  And my spouse has learned to listen and respect my liberal ways.

Andy Grammer has a new song out and the opening line is, “My mother was a sunshine soldier.” My daughter says that it reminds her of me. I’d say it’s true and it’s as close as I’ll get to serving and being in uniform.