Military family

Why I Said Yes to a Family Pet

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Originally published by NextGenMilSpouse on November 23, 2017

Why I Said Yes To A Family Pet

“I want another dog,” I told my husband. My dog had died and I was feeling the desire to have another companion.

I got Coquina after I graduated high school and she died just before her 16thbirthday. When my husband left a month before me to start training in Florida, Cokey and I drove from Nebraska to Tyndall AFB. I sang to her and talked to her to keep me occupied during the long drive. I was especially grateful to have her to talk to during a flash thunderstorm in Florida.

But still I was late to get her to the airport so she could stay with my mom during the few months we’d be there. As newlyweds we couldn’t afford to book another flight so I drove like a madwoman on the slippery roads to meet the deadline. Stress would have to wait.

She was there to greet our oldest when we brought him home from the hospital. And when our daughter arrived, she knew the drill. She moved with us each time and took the trek like a champ, even though she hated car rides.

Even at the end of her life, she still barked at my husband when he kissed me.

She was MY dog but she had been a part of my children’s lives for 10 years.

Now I wanted another pet. In the interim, my kids had worked to earn themselves gerbils. They too wanted a pet but initially I wasn’t ready for another dog. My son really wanted a snake but since I would be the one home with it and I’m petrified of snakes, I put the kibosh on THAT idea.

When we moved again, there were no pets allowed in the rental house. Just like a child, when you can’t have something, that’s when you really want it. After a few months in the house, I wanted another dog. And as much as I wanted a dog for me, I wanted a dog for our family.

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Why I Said Yes To A Family Pet

Having a pet is a constant in a military child’s life. No matter where we moved to, the kids would have their mom and their pet. It doesn’t matter if it’s a dog, a cat, a hamster or a lizard. What matters is that the child has something to either call his own or has a stake in. Years ago, that’s what I thought.

And it turns out I was right.

A study in 2009 showed that children with pets were less worried about a movethan those without. A pet provides children with “comfort, support, and stability.”

I like to think that it really has to do with giving them animmediate friend wherever they are. That friend doesn’t talk back and understands what they are going through. It also gives them a job to do during the chaos we call “unpacking.”

There have also been studies that show that pets help military children with stressand give them a coping mechanismtoo.

We know that petting a dog or horse has a calming effect on people but there are benefits to owning any animal. Not only is their pet a constant in their lives, but that animal also listens to them as they work out problems in their lives.

[Tweet “Our pets are part of our military family and they provide comfort to our military kids.”]

Having an animal gives the child a topic of conversation when meeting new classmates. That to me is another positive to animal ownership.

We bought a dog even before we knew about these studies. We actually got two; one per child. We adopted them in the summer after we moved so the kids had time to walk them every day. They explored their new neighborhood and met the peoplewho lived there.

It also gave them a chance to bond with each other. They were 10 and 12 at this point so they weren’t spending time together like they used to. Now they had a common gripe – chores associated with an animal.

Why I Said Yes To A Family Pet

For the record, there are reasons to not get a family pet. For some, the costis an issue. Dogs and cats are notorious for their vet bills. On-base vet clinics alleviate some of that cost but it still has an impact on your pocketbook.

For others, there are allergies to contend with. We know there are ways around that roadblock but that depends on how badly you want that animal. Just remember that dogs aren’t the only animals out there.

We found that having a dog was perfect for our military family.

The benefits far outweighed the negatives. Even though we moaned and groaned each time we had to stop during our cross-country move because the dog was going to be sick or the kids hated sharing a back seat with said dog, we were happy once we reached our destination.

And even when I complained that the flea and tick medicine was insanely expensive, I wouldn’t have done anything differently.

Our pets are part of our military family and that’s all that matters.

I Am Good Enough

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Originally published by NextGenMilSpouse on March 28, 2017

Before Al Franken, was the Minnesota senator we know today, he was a comedy writer and performer on Saturday Night Live in the 1990s. He created a character named Stuart Smalleywho would look in the mirror during his self-help show and tell himself,

“I’m good enough. I’m smart enough. And doggone it, people like me!”

On SNL, it was a joke but it seems to me that military spouses should adapt this mantra into their daily lives.

I Am Good Enough

Sometimes we get caught up in our role as a “military spouse.”It’s easy to forget that you are more than just a spouse. That kind of thinking is along the same vein as saying that you are “just a stay-at-home parent.”

We as spouses have to reinforce the belief that being a military spouse is only one facet of our lives.

It is your choice if you want to participate in any aspect of military life. Remember that you are a part of a bigger world out there too. Pick and choose what works for you.

Initially, as a stay-at-home mom, it was hard to take this saying to heart. I didn’t feel worthy of the title I felt I’d been given. My impression of military spouses was that they were go-getters who were very active at their installations.

I was a newlywed and a new mom all at once. My focus was on my child and not my husband’s career. With deployments and long hours, I wanted to spend my time with my husband when he was home. If I did go to an event, I felt like a fish out of water since I didn’t have a clue about what was happening nor did I know people there. Then I panicked because I thought I was hurting my husband’s career since I wasn’t an active member of the spouse’s group. I was giving myself ulcers because I believed that I was a detriment to him.

None of that was true.

Once I learned the real story, I still had to tell myself on a daily basis that I was good enough. I am good enough as a military spouse, mother and human being.

I Am Smart Enough

It’s common knowledge that we are thinking, sentient beings. With that knowledge comes the ability for us to make choices and attack problems.

It doesn’t matter what level of education you’ve reached or where you grew up.

It doesn’t matter if you use your head or your heart.

It doesn’t matter if you make lists or flip coins.

The important factor is that a choice is made and that it’s the best option for you.

There may be multiple times in your service member’s military career where you have to make a choice about living arrangements; an unaccompanied tour or deployment orders might be in your future.

You might initially feel incompetent but you are smart enough to know which answer works for you.

Once you’ve made that decision, don’t regret it. It was the best solution for you and/or your family.

I’ve met families who have chosen to stay behindat a location for the betterment of the children. Others have followed their military member to their new installation no matter where it was in the world. Or there are individuals who remain in one place for their job while the military spouse moved.

You know what works for you and you shouldn’t apologize for it. You can listen to advice but don’t let others tell you what is the correct outcome. You have researched your options and have chosen; you are smart enough.

And Doggone It, People Like Me

We all want to be accepted and to be liked. A first impression is important but there is also a second step that occurs – conversation.

A friend of mine married her service member when she was in her 30s. She was a successful businesswoman and yet the first time she met the commanding spouse of her husband’s squadron, she was tongue-tied and not sure how to act. Later, she said that she felt silly at being overwhelmed at the meeting. All she really wanted was to meet the other spouse and have a nice chat.

There is a validation that occurs when you talk to another person. What you need to remember is that the other person is just another human being like you. There is no visible barrier that needs to be broken.

The other side of this coin is that not everyone likes everyone else. And that’s OK.

You like pistachio ice cream and I like chocolate chip.

You love military functions and I just want to stay home and eat that chocolate chip ice cream.

Differences make the world go round and if you accept this premise, your life will change for the better. Overall, I think the general public prefers when individuals are themselves and not pretending to be someone they’re not.

Let that real self shine through; people will like you!

It seems to me that military spouses should adapt this mantra, "I'm good enough" into their daily lives. Here's why.

So if you need to look in that mirror and see the genuine you, do it! If you don’t need that physical reminder, you can just repeat the buzzwords over to yourself:

“I’m good enough. I’m smart and enough. And doggone it, people like me!”

That’s because it’s accurate and they are the perfect words to live by in this year of you.