military life

Why I Said Yes to a Family Pet

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Originally published by NextGenMilSpouse on November 23, 2017

Why I Said Yes To A Family Pet

“I want another dog,” I told my husband. My dog had died and I was feeling the desire to have another companion.

I got Coquina after I graduated high school and she died just before her 16thbirthday. When my husband left a month before me to start training in Florida, Cokey and I drove from Nebraska to Tyndall AFB. I sang to her and talked to her to keep me occupied during the long drive. I was especially grateful to have her to talk to during a flash thunderstorm in Florida.

But still I was late to get her to the airport so she could stay with my mom during the few months we’d be there. As newlyweds we couldn’t afford to book another flight so I drove like a madwoman on the slippery roads to meet the deadline. Stress would have to wait.

She was there to greet our oldest when we brought him home from the hospital. And when our daughter arrived, she knew the drill. She moved with us each time and took the trek like a champ, even though she hated car rides.

Even at the end of her life, she still barked at my husband when he kissed me.

She was MY dog but she had been a part of my children’s lives for 10 years.

Now I wanted another pet. In the interim, my kids had worked to earn themselves gerbils. They too wanted a pet but initially I wasn’t ready for another dog. My son really wanted a snake but since I would be the one home with it and I’m petrified of snakes, I put the kibosh on THAT idea.

When we moved again, there were no pets allowed in the rental house. Just like a child, when you can’t have something, that’s when you really want it. After a few months in the house, I wanted another dog. And as much as I wanted a dog for me, I wanted a dog for our family.

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Why I Said Yes To A Family Pet

Having a pet is a constant in a military child’s life. No matter where we moved to, the kids would have their mom and their pet. It doesn’t matter if it’s a dog, a cat, a hamster or a lizard. What matters is that the child has something to either call his own or has a stake in. Years ago, that’s what I thought.

And it turns out I was right.

A study in 2009 showed that children with pets were less worried about a movethan those without. A pet provides children with “comfort, support, and stability.”

I like to think that it really has to do with giving them animmediate friend wherever they are. That friend doesn’t talk back and understands what they are going through. It also gives them a job to do during the chaos we call “unpacking.”

There have also been studies that show that pets help military children with stressand give them a coping mechanismtoo.

We know that petting a dog or horse has a calming effect on people but there are benefits to owning any animal. Not only is their pet a constant in their lives, but that animal also listens to them as they work out problems in their lives.

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Having an animal gives the child a topic of conversation when meeting new classmates. That to me is another positive to animal ownership.

We bought a dog even before we knew about these studies. We actually got two; one per child. We adopted them in the summer after we moved so the kids had time to walk them every day. They explored their new neighborhood and met the peoplewho lived there.

It also gave them a chance to bond with each other. They were 10 and 12 at this point so they weren’t spending time together like they used to. Now they had a common gripe – chores associated with an animal.

Why I Said Yes To A Family Pet

For the record, there are reasons to not get a family pet. For some, the costis an issue. Dogs and cats are notorious for their vet bills. On-base vet clinics alleviate some of that cost but it still has an impact on your pocketbook.

For others, there are allergies to contend with. We know there are ways around that roadblock but that depends on how badly you want that animal. Just remember that dogs aren’t the only animals out there.

We found that having a dog was perfect for our military family.

The benefits far outweighed the negatives. Even though we moaned and groaned each time we had to stop during our cross-country move because the dog was going to be sick or the kids hated sharing a back seat with said dog, we were happy once we reached our destination.

And even when I complained that the flea and tick medicine was insanely expensive, I wouldn’t have done anything differently.

Our pets are part of our military family and that’s all that matters.

How I Found My Purpose

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Originally published on September 21, 2017

The biggest question in the universe is:

Why am I here and what is my purpose?

Most people spend a lifetime trying to figure it out and some never do.

Movies try to give us examples to follow: The aliens in “Arrival” were here to teach humans to use communication and language to unite us. Dobby had the initial purpose of being a house elf and later his goal was to help Harry Potter.

But that’s not real life.

In real life sometimes you waffle, sometimes you coast and sometimes you slam into a wall.

I hear my husband constantly saying that he’s not sure what he wants to be when he grows up. He was lucky enough to find the meaning of his life when he was younger but now that he’s looking at his next phase, he’s not sure what that path should be.

My kids worried about their lives when they were applying to colleges. They thought they had to have everything figured out BEFORE they left for school. They wanted their life in a neat, little bow but for most of us, that’s not the case.

But again, the movies show us a reality where everything comes together in the end so the expectation is there.

But what about the rest of us?

I was fortunate like my husband in that I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. In middle school, I had a wonderful teacher who inspired me. By the time I was in high school, I knew that teaching was my calling and English was my focus. I was always writing creatively but my desire was to teach literature.

Books were what I loved and books were my focus. I knew my passion.

My college applications were to schools where I could attend their education department. I flourished at my university where the majority of my classes were in English and many others were in teaching how to teach. I relished those classes where I was able to write creatively and not just spit out academic papers.

Eventually I created a vision board where I would get my degree and move to South America to teach English. Then I would take my hard-earned cash and relocate to Australia. All the while, I would do what I loved.

And then I met a boy.

I got my degree and tried to get a job in our new location. Coaching cheerleading got my foot in the door and then I was almost immediately offered employment as an ESL teacher. I took it hoping that it would turn into a high school teaching job. It did but then we moved again.

How I Found My Purpose

So I went back to school and to earn my master’s degree so I could teach English as a Second Language. I had thoroughly enjoyed the progress and happiness of my ESL students so I combined my desire for English into a new career; I found a new love from an old one.

For 20 years I was doing what I reveled in. I taught speaking and listening to non-English speakers from all over the world. They felt my enthusiasm for my language and they absorbed it all. I was fortunate enough to work in university settings and I taught part-time so I could still be with my other loves – my kids. I was the happiest person on the earth.

Then one day, it wasn’t so fun anymore.

The desire to be in the classroom wasn’t there. And even though I had a position waiting for me at my new duty station, I couldn’t accept it. It became a job and not my career. And in education, that’s not fair to the students. There needs to be a passion or you aren’t helping them learn.

I knew I had to stop. I needed a break to find myself again.

My idea was that I would give back to my military community by volunteeringbut nothing ignited that spark. I had fun meeting new people but at times I felt like I was just going through the motions.

Then one day, I felt the urge to write again. So I did.

One story turned into two and two into three. Normally, I would keep my writing under wraps but this time I put myself out there. A friend who had done the same inspired me. I submitted my articles to a few publications. At first, I was discouraged because I heard crickets but then a response – someone wanted to publish me!

That affirmation was enough to help me focus my attention and to know that I had once again discovered my purpose. As I continued writing, I found that the words flowed easily and that it brought me joy. The desire showed in my work and it must have come through in the articles I wrote because from my hobby came a job offer!

This time my purpose wasn’t blatantly obvious. I tripped into it because I felt a tug and I let it lead me somewhere. But by doing so, I once again found what I was supposed to do with my life.

And that should be the lesson – your calling is out there; you just have to answer it. There may be busy signals or you may get disconnected but eventually the phone rings and you say “hello.”