military spouse

What You Need to Know About Military Housing

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Originally published by NextGenMilSpouse on February 16, 2018

So you decided you want to live in military base housing, huh?

Now that you’ve made the choice to live on base, you need to follow the procedures to make this rental home a reality. Use the information below to make this transition as smooth as possible.

What You Need To Know About Military Base Housing
Source: Langley Family Housing

The Smart Military Spouse’s Guide to Military Base Housing

You searched for “housing” and your new duty station and found some answers online. You realized that most locations have privatized housing. This translates into on-post neighborhoods with newer houses and this management company – not the military – is responsible for the daily upkeep of the homes. Some of the companies even have photos and walk-through tours on their websites.

Be ready to fill out a form (or two). This is something the service member will be able to do once you have PCS orders. Within 30 days of arrival, a DD Form 1746 should be completed. This is the application for an assignment for housing. On some privatized housing websites, you can complete this form online. Military spouses will need a power of attorney if the service member is deployed.

You need a copy of your orders to your new location that shows your detachment dates. Your service member’s LES (Leave and Earnings Statement) will tell the housing office what type of house you qualify for. You also need certification of your dependents (if you have them).

Each service has a different form to complete this requirement but a DEERS enrollment card or RED (Record of Emergency Data) will also suffice. The last official document needed is the form disclosing sexual offender status. Again, check with your service branch for specific forms.

What You Need To Know About Military Base Housing

Now you are put on a waitlist. This list is dependent on pay grade. The size and location of your house also depends on how many dependents you have. Unfortunately, this step can last a few days or a few years depending on your military installation. Don’t get discouraged. We all know that the military works in mysterious ways.

There are other aspects to the wait list that you must understand. Your eligibility date is based on your orders. A newly married service member’s date is determined by your legal wedding day.

New to the military and to married life? Your date is what you find on your Military Entrance Processing Date.

Again, you may not know many of these forms but that’s where your spouse or his chain of command can help.

Time has passed and you finally get the call that a house is available for you! You jump for joy and then set out to see the house. The representative from the housing office meets you there and they walk you around and answer any questions you have.

You step into the entrance and you see that there is no furniture. All of the houses are unfurnished. Then you walk into the kitchen and see a full array of appliances. These all stay. What a relief! Now you don’t have the added expense of that! Washers and dryersmay or may not come with the house, as this is dependent on the management company. As you move to the back of the house, you notice that some of the surrounding homes have fencesand some do not. This is not unusual either. Without a fence, the included lawn service takes care of your whole yard.

What other amenities are included? Utilitiesin unmetered houses. Otherwise, you will retain part of your BAH (Basic Allowance for Housing) to pay that expense. This is true for the garbage collection as well. And, the housing representative tells you your rent is based on the rank of your service member. This is all so eye-opening. You complete your inspection and the person from the housing office asks if you’d like to take the house.

You have a choice in military base housing? Yes, you do.

If you pass on the first house, you still maintain your position on the wait list. You would then have to take the second house that they showed you or you would go to the bottom of the list.

But wait! Before you make that decision, you need to know about their pet policy. The representative tells you that you can have 2 or 3 pets depending on the management company overseeing your location. You look at your spouse with a twinkle in your eye; you can get another pet and still be in code! There are some breed restrictions as well as exotic pet bans but you can check with your representative at the housing office for that.

You decide to accept the house. Enjoy the community and the ease of living on base. It is an experience like no other and you will make memories that will last long after you leave the service. Maybe you’ll encourage others to do the same. After all, you have all of this information at your fingertips.

Confession: I Have Social Anxiety

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Originally published by NextGenMilSpouse on January 29, 2018

I have a secret.

It’s not Lifetime Movie of the Week caliber. It’s not even a “break apart your marriage and family” type of skeleton in the closet.

But it is my secret.

It’s more like the thing you reveal at cocktail parties when someone poses the question: “What is a fact no one knows about you?”

I’m an introvert.

Confession: I Have Social Anxiety and I'm an Air Force Wife

I’m not a traditional introvert; I don’t need alone time. In fact, I tend to get antsy if I stay home all day by myself.

I don’t need down time to recharge my batteries either.

What I really don’t like is social functions and socializing; I have a form ofsocial anxiety. You know, “the fear of interaction with other people that brings on self-consciousness, feelings of being negatively judged and evaluated, and, as a result, leads to avoidance.”

Are you surprised?  I appear to be a woman who loves to party and socialize. But I don’t. At least not until I’m comfortable in a situation. I think there are more of us out there than people know.

According to one study from Dr. Bella DePaulo mentioned in the book “How to Work a Room a Guide to Successfully Managing the Mingling,” 75% of people have social anxiety when they are at a party with strangers. That means that 3 out of 4 of us don’t like the most common situations in the military-forced fun.

Confession: I Have Social Anxiety and I'm an Air Force Wife

Growing up I was the biggest extrovert you would know. I was a talker and I danced everywhere it was possible; in the dance studio as well as in the halls at school. I didn’t sit still. Strike that. I COULDN’T sit still. I had a desire to be moving and to be the center of everyone’s world.

When I had children all that changed. I didn’t want to be the center of attention or the life of the party. I wanted to stay home and be with my family. I also found that I preferred to listen rather than speak. Those two qualities combined to change my temperament and my desire to socialize.

This turned out to be bad timing. As I began to feel more and more at ease with my cocoon, my kids got older and I was running out of alibis to not go to social functions with my service member. I excused myself from First Fridays. I even canceled my invite to spouse functions.

When my husband was selected to command a squadron, I bowed out from Airman Leadership School graduations and I passed on chief induction ceremonies. I used the kids as an excuse. They always needed me for something – whether it was a school activity, band competition or sport. One parent had to be there, right? That was why I was a stay at home parent who worked part-time. I believed that my children should have one constant in their lives. The military couldn’t offer us that stability so I provided it.

A few years later, my spouse was given a group. A group! What a great day and affirmation of his abilities! But what a sad day for me. We aren’t required to do anything but the pressure is still there. I didn’t succumb to peer pressure instead I decided to take part in this facet of his life.

My first event as a second-time C.O.W. (Commanding Officer’s Wife)was a Patch On event. This is when the students who have gone through training are assigned to their new operations squadrons. My first touch of anxiety came when they said I had a seat in the front of the auditorium and would be introduced. What?? This was not what I expected.

Confession: I Have Social Anxiety and I'm an Air Force Wife

I got through that day with the help of the other squadron commanders who made me feel at home. That experience gave me the confidence to continue. It also helped that now I knew a few people.

A squadron picnic came next. Talk about anxiety inducing. I was hoping that my spouse would be there with me so that I could tag along with him.

He’s my security blanket, after all. But of course, he ran late and so I went solo.

I found one person I knew and talked with them but that can only last so long. I found my way to the buffet line and stayed quiet. Slowly people came up to me and started conversations. It’s still not easy when you have little to say. After I ate, I left defeated and tired.

[Tweet “3 out of 4 of military spouses don’t like military-forced fun.”]

Each new activity started the same way: find someone to latch onto and hope more people you know arriveso you can talk to them and not feel foolish.

I hated meeting new people. As soon as the introduction was over, I would forget their names and faces. It was embarrassing when I would say, “Nice to meet you” to someone I’d already been introduced to. My social anxiety didn’t lessen.

Eventually these functions that I forced myself to attend got easier. The more often I saw people, the easier it was to relax around them. I became my outgoing self.

I learned to say, “How are you?” instead of “Nice to meet you.” And then I played off the fact that I meet so many people, it takes a few times before I remember. Everyone understood and I think they appreciated my candor. I can say that after two years “in the job,” I felt more at ease but not completely comfortable.

[Tweet “The more often I saw people, the easier it was to relax around them”]

New anxiety begins at every new base but I need to look back on my time at the group level and remind myself that I can do it! Practice is supposed to make perfect but I’m striving for contentment; contentment with my mental well-being and myself.