military spouse

Say Yes to Living Outside Your Comfort Zone

admin2 Comments

Originally published by NextGenMilSpouse on November 27, 2017

Mark Twain once said “I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” He was trying to tell us that there is more to life than what can be gleaned from the classroom.

Life is about experiences!

I believe that this is just as true today and more so as a military spouse who is getting ready to PCS overseas.

When my spouse was assigned to Korea, the kids and I had to remain stateside. We missed him terribly but anticipated the day we could visit. That moment came in December. We planned a 3-week tour so we could fully experience the culture.

Both children, picky eaters at the time, delighted in finding Burger King in Seoul. We had the tastiest chicken nuggets ever.

After that, the kids were willing to try a traditional restaurant. They loved sitting on the floor! And after trying traditional foods, they wanted more kimchi when it was offered.

My husband wanted to take us to an antique shop out in the country. For the first time in a while, the kids didn’t balk at driving somewhere. When we arrived, we found the proprietor who offered to show us around. This retired history teacher sat at small propane heater and talked to the children while I perused the furniture.

I found a 19thcentury Tibetan Buddhist altar that I fell in love with. The owner told the story of its provenance to us which made it all the more special.

It has become a multipurpose piece of furniture. I have used it in the bedroom for clothes storage and I’ve used it in the dining room to keep our fine china or as a bar.

Say Yes To Living Outside Your Comfort Zone

Even though we didn’t live in Korea, those 3 weeks gave us a taste of life in a place we may never have seen on our own.

[Tweet “Military life is about new experiences and stepping outside your comfort zone.”]

More than 10 years later, we once again had the honor of being assigned overseas. This time we landed on the European continent in Belgium.

My spouse and I hail from New England so I walk fast, I talk fast, and I’m always on full throttle. After my spouse picked us up at the airport, he drove us to the Gran Place in downtown Mons.

Immediately, I had to decelerate my whole being because the only fast lane is on the highway. The waiter came over, took our order and then left us alone. No one pestered us to leave but then again, no one was refilling my water glass either. The message is clear:

“Slow down and take time to smell the roses.”

Eventually my temperament changed and I learned to enjoy the things around me.

Say Yes To Living Outside Your Comfort Zone

We made the decision to not live on base. If we were living in Europe, then we were LIVING in Europe.

We lived in the French speaking part of Belgium where agriculture is the main way of life. I am a city girl and I envisioned myself miserable for our 3 years. I couldn’t have been more wrong.

There were cows in the field behind us, a goat next door and an orchard at the end of the road. All of that just added to the beauty of our location and I came to savor the tranquility.

An egg man came by our house once a week to deliver eggs. If you’ve never tried an unrefrigerated fresh egg, you don’t know what you are missing. The color is amazing and the taste is as equally awesome.

[Tweet “We decided to not live on base. If we were living in Europe, then we were LIVING in Europe.”]

Say Yes To Living Outside Your Comfort Zone

The longer we remained in Europe, the more I collected lessons and learned new things.

I’d always been a history buff but visiting cities around the continent made those book lessons a reality. As you meander through Rome, you can’t help but find history alive at every turn. Reading about peasants worshiping in medieval churches is nothing in comparison to wandering around those same churches. You start to truly understand the mindset of the people from that time.

My daughter and I planned a girls trip to Budapest one weekend. After we settled into the hotel, we were hungry so we asked the concierge where to go. He directed us to a restaurant on the Pest side of the city.

When we arrived, we noticed a plethora of Mercedes and men dressed like secret service or the Mafia. We took a chance and sat down.

My daughter ordered an appetizer, rabbit stew and dessert as well as a few sodas. I also chose an appetizer, had the Hungarian goulash, dessert and a few glasses of wine. Everything was delicious.

When the bill came, the host asked if we’d like it in Euros instead. Of course, that’s the currency we were familiar with. Imagine our surprise when the whole thing came to €20! We had a fabulous meal with entertainment and we experienced a little of life in a former communist country.

All of these examples just go to show you that life is better when you take some chances and step outside your comfort zone.

By embracing your new location and trying new things, you will learn more about yourself as well as your host country. Don’t immediately revert back to your usual. When you don’t, you collect stories and experiences that will enrich your life tenfold.

How I Found My Purpose

admin

Originally published on September 21, 2017

The biggest question in the universe is:

Why am I here and what is my purpose?

Most people spend a lifetime trying to figure it out and some never do.

Movies try to give us examples to follow: The aliens in “Arrival” were here to teach humans to use communication and language to unite us. Dobby had the initial purpose of being a house elf and later his goal was to help Harry Potter.

But that’s not real life.

In real life sometimes you waffle, sometimes you coast and sometimes you slam into a wall.

I hear my husband constantly saying that he’s not sure what he wants to be when he grows up. He was lucky enough to find the meaning of his life when he was younger but now that he’s looking at his next phase, he’s not sure what that path should be.

My kids worried about their lives when they were applying to colleges. They thought they had to have everything figured out BEFORE they left for school. They wanted their life in a neat, little bow but for most of us, that’s not the case.

But again, the movies show us a reality where everything comes together in the end so the expectation is there.

But what about the rest of us?

I was fortunate like my husband in that I knew what I wanted to be when I grew up. In middle school, I had a wonderful teacher who inspired me. By the time I was in high school, I knew that teaching was my calling and English was my focus. I was always writing creatively but my desire was to teach literature.

Books were what I loved and books were my focus. I knew my passion.

My college applications were to schools where I could attend their education department. I flourished at my university where the majority of my classes were in English and many others were in teaching how to teach. I relished those classes where I was able to write creatively and not just spit out academic papers.

Eventually I created a vision board where I would get my degree and move to South America to teach English. Then I would take my hard-earned cash and relocate to Australia. All the while, I would do what I loved.

And then I met a boy.

I got my degree and tried to get a job in our new location. Coaching cheerleading got my foot in the door and then I was almost immediately offered employment as an ESL teacher. I took it hoping that it would turn into a high school teaching job. It did but then we moved again.

How I Found My Purpose

So I went back to school and to earn my master’s degree so I could teach English as a Second Language. I had thoroughly enjoyed the progress and happiness of my ESL students so I combined my desire for English into a new career; I found a new love from an old one.

For 20 years I was doing what I reveled in. I taught speaking and listening to non-English speakers from all over the world. They felt my enthusiasm for my language and they absorbed it all. I was fortunate enough to work in university settings and I taught part-time so I could still be with my other loves – my kids. I was the happiest person on the earth.

Then one day, it wasn’t so fun anymore.

The desire to be in the classroom wasn’t there. And even though I had a position waiting for me at my new duty station, I couldn’t accept it. It became a job and not my career. And in education, that’s not fair to the students. There needs to be a passion or you aren’t helping them learn.

I knew I had to stop. I needed a break to find myself again.

My idea was that I would give back to my military community by volunteeringbut nothing ignited that spark. I had fun meeting new people but at times I felt like I was just going through the motions.

Then one day, I felt the urge to write again. So I did.

One story turned into two and two into three. Normally, I would keep my writing under wraps but this time I put myself out there. A friend who had done the same inspired me. I submitted my articles to a few publications. At first, I was discouraged because I heard crickets but then a response – someone wanted to publish me!

That affirmation was enough to help me focus my attention and to know that I had once again discovered my purpose. As I continued writing, I found that the words flowed easily and that it brought me joy. The desire showed in my work and it must have come through in the articles I wrote because from my hobby came a job offer!

This time my purpose wasn’t blatantly obvious. I tripped into it because I felt a tug and I let it lead me somewhere. But by doing so, I once again found what I was supposed to do with my life.

And that should be the lesson – your calling is out there; you just have to answer it. There may be busy signals or you may get disconnected but eventually the phone rings and you say “hello.”